so, Davey is an asshole.

i go outside to smoke in my driveway at frequent intervals through the night. while i'm out there, my cat Dave usually comes by to keep me company; he plays in the bushes, or crawls into my lap, or just sits there and watches the street with me.

tonight while i'm out there, he is making a lot of noise behind me-- more than usual for the eating grass/chasing a bug antics-- he's really gnawing at something. i turn around. in the moonlight it kind of looks like a snake or a rat's tail he's got, so, interested, i flick my lighter on-- AND IT'S THE FUCKING EXTENSION CORD to the Christmas lights.

i smack him and yell, and as i toss him aside he's chewing and coughing on something. by the flame light i now see he has taken a dime size chunk out of the orange coating and you can see the plastic insulation. fuck my life.

this cat is eight years old. we put up lights every year. he almost just DIED in front of me had it not been for my curiosity in watching him eat his catches.

i sprayed down all the bare cords running through the yard with KeepOff and unplugged the power strip in the garage; the lights were turned off, but fml if i just let it ride that way and he insists on eating plastic off the cords.

i can't be there every second.
now i can't wait for Christmas to be over.

he also for the first time in his life sprayed an unsuspecting human being while sitting on the living room floor. just walked up and lifted his tail and walked away-- we didn't know it'd happened until like five minutes later when the person (my mom) got up and noticed she was wet and that it was cat pee and we recalled him prowling around while we were sitting there. DOGS don't do that!

i don't know what the fuck his problem is. he's always been a weird little man, and something of a liability; when he was three months old he jumped into the hot oven when my mother opened it to remove a roast, and burned all four of his paws awfully before he realized he didn't want to be in there. over the last year, chasing my car home down the middle of the road or darting across the street to meet me when i come home from work is another awful habit he has cemented into his eccentric routine. he travels across the highway at night also, i have seen him in the median and yelled at him making the U-turn into my neighborhood.

so uh... worry with me? i guess. it's like he's going crazy. he's all i got, so it would ruin my world to lose him to his own stupid oddball behavior.