Two jumps in a week; I bet you think that's pretty clever, don't you boy.
Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.
You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop.
You broke another mirror;
You're turning into something you are not.

Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk.
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love.
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out;
they're the ones who'll spit at you.
You will be the one left screaming out:
"Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry."
[link]


there's no depressing spin or self-pity intended here. also, the last time i posted a self portrait and an optimistic message, it opened up to the blackest year in my existence. the last one i did was critical like this one, too.

it's just a transition for me and everyone i know. i'm extremely unsure and doubtful about myself.
but i'm hopeful.
i'm happy,
but paranoid about it.

my brain and heart and ego are just fighting this all-inclusive format change. through it all i'm faced with having to let go of my own principles; either if i'm not smart enough to make them work out, or truly not tough enough to withstand the conditions they wring upon my life. maybe all of this time, i was just an idealist in disguise. i don't want to be alone when "something terrible" finally happens, but i'm adamant about letting myself rely on people.

take care everyone. there's an ominous feeling everywhere. i'm not the first one to feel it.

_{High and Dry song and lyrics are © 1995 Radiohead.}

TECH:
as for the photo, came close to calling it a manip for blurring out the BG and some light/color work with the channels. but i didn't try to make it look unnatural, so... manip felt like a stretch. and i won't lie to any of you and call it anything but a glamour portrait-- "emotive" is kinda blowhard coming from me, i see that now.